First Doctor Visit for Anxiety

Tuesday, August 12

This was a terrible morning. I had finally realized that this thing wasn't going away and it had rendered me unable to do the most important part of my job. I broke down crying for the first time. Not in despair, but the significance of everything was weighing on me.

I had a piano lesson in my home that morning for a friend of my wife's, but wasn't in any shape to do it. They went out for coffee and came back an hour later and we got through it fine.

After that I went to the walk-in clinic again, this time specifically for anxiety. (My doctor was unavailable for several weeks) I was still an emotional wreck and broke down again while the poor nurse was asking me questions. (She gave me a hug & offered to bring some juice though:))

I saw a different doctor, told him the cliff notes of my previous posts and he prescribed Xanax to calm me down. (0.5mg three times a day as needed)

Xanax

I took my first Xanax that evening. We had someone coming over and I was feeling edgy & wanted to avoid getting sick again. It was the most beautiful thing I have experienced in some time. (I know you shouldn't say that about drugs, but truth is truth) For the first time in memory, I was at total peace. The nervousness in my stomach went away and I was able to eat dinner & watch a movie and feel good. It did have the side effect of making me very mellow, but for the time being it was a good tradeoff.

I was able to get through the rest of the week fine with the medication. I tried not to take it three times a day since it said 'as needed', but as the weekend approached it became clear that I did need three a day to function normally.