Catching Up Part III

Tuesday, August 5

I had my first real attack that was clearly anxiety. I took my daughter to Toys R Us to pick out a toy with her birthday money, and the moment the doors opened, I wanted to run back to the car & get home. What was the horrifying thing awaiting me behind the doors? Two girls at the customer service desk! (Cue 'who wants to be a millionaire' music)

This anxiety was totally irrational and had nothing to do with anything. That was the first time I realized that something was not right and it was more serious than bad leftovers.

We made it through the shopping trip, but I was very apprehensive and told my daughter that we might have to leave on short notice, so she had her standby toy picked out while we kept looking at other things.

At this point I still did not go see a doctor for anxiety because it was a small episode and I continued working throughout the week as normal.

Saturday night August 9

We had dinner with my parents at Anthony's Homeport (A nice restaurant on the waterfront) Things had been fine since Tuesday, but midway through the meal, I got the familiar nausea & dizziness and had to go to the bathroom. When we got home I called people to take care of worship the next morning. (10 hour notice instead of 20 minutes this time!)

Getting worship covered was one thing, but I was supposed to be officiating a wedding on Sunday afternoon. I called another pastor at the church and asked them to be ready to fill in for me. I was up much of the night feeling sick and unable to sleep. Three times I woke up so drenched with sweat I had to towel off and put a shirt down on the bed so I could lay on something dry. We have an air conditioner in our bedroom, so that was interesting.

Sunday, August 10

I woke up Sunday morning feeling just as terrible as ever. I really wanted to be there for this wedding since I had met with the couple and done the rehearsal with them. I started feeling slightly better mid morning and told them I would try and be there.

I did end up doing the wedding and it went fine, but I never did feel well through it all. The other pastor was there ready to play tag team officiant if needed. Might be fun to try someday.

By now it had become clear to all of us that it was time for me to be euthanized. Fortunately I talked my wife into giving it a go for a while longer.