Catching Up Part I

This whole thing has probably been building for some time, but it really first hit on July 27. I did a worship concert at New Life Church in Everett that evening. I was very nervous about it because it was the first time I've had people coming just to see ME. I'm used to being in front of people, but not used to being the reason the are there.

I've been playing in front of people in some capacity for 20 years now, so it is interesting that this event caused such distress for me. Some have suggested that perhaps I was experiencing some mild post traumatic stress since I used to be on staff at that church and had a very difficult year before I left. This was not my first time playing there since I left though; I have done a few memorial services there, plus attended a song writers group that met there and didn't have any issues.

The morning of the 27th started out fine. I lead worship at our church and made it through both services with no problems. During the sermon of the second service I began to feel nauseated and dizzy. I went outside and sat down thinking some fresh air would help. It did not help, and when service was released, people came streaming out of the doors and several people wanted to ask about the concert or other things, and this made it worse.

I became so nauseated that I retreated to a single bathroom and lay down on the floor. I was so sure I would throw up that I removed my shirt & shoes since I didn't have any other clothes with me. Fortunately I didn't throw up, but I did have diarrhea three times, which was special. I stayed in the bathroom for about 45 minutes before I felt like I would be able to drive home.

Once home I lay on the couch wondering if I would be able to do the concert or not. I ended up going, but never really felt better. During our afternoon rehearsal I felt fine (I have since found that video games or exercise can help distract from symptoms, since the nausea isn't legit) but I wasn't able to eat during dinner. My insides were in turmoil all day.

When it came time to do the concert, once again I was fine and made it through the evening with no more trouble. When I got home I still didn't feel great though, and stayed in bed through much of Monday. I felt good on tuesday, but stayed home from work on Wednesday the 30th. I had a haircut at 8AM that morning and began to feel sick towards the end of it.

At this point I had no clue that it was anxiety, or even that anxiety could cause these symptoms.