Relapse

Saturday, October 11

I'm mostly posting this to keep track of the timeline of events. I successfully fought off a panic attack yesterday afternoon before I left for counseling, and I had another one starting this morning when I woke up.

Yesterday I suddenly started feeling sick after lunch. I thought 'what a bad time to get sick - I have counseling today, and I'm playing on Sunday'. Then I realized that it probably wasn't real sickness. I walked around and did breathing exercises and it went away within 10 minutes.

This morning one of my lessons canceled so I had time to take a walk outside, where it was in the low 40's. The cool air and exercise helped, but I'm still not feeling normal. At least I know I can head off an attack without drugs. That's good, but I would rather not have anymore at all. I'm going to dial back some of my activities because my counselor helped me realize that while I'm 'not working' I am going to the church four days a week.

My last panic attack (according to my writings) was September 5. Going over a month without any was encouraging. Since this thing starts out as an upset stomach, I wonder how many sick days I took last year that were actually mild panic episodes. I felt nauseated too often to be normal and would stay home from work, only to find that by the afternoon I felt great. Now I know I can power through it and get going anyway. Hopefully that helps me do better this year.