Things I've Learned From Peeing In A Bottle

[For better or worse, I'm getting back to my old self. In case you don't know me, this post falls into the 'normal' category for my personality, therefore this blog is about to get a lot more awesome.]

1. Turn The Fan On. Urine isn't so bad when you're dispensing it into a bowl of water that is either several feet from your nose or covered by your rump. It doesn't get nicer with proximity.
2. Grip The Bottle More Tightly Than You Need To. You're holding it with one hand, and are about to make it heavier. This has taken me a surprisingly long time to learn, but I haven't dropped one yet.
3. Give Your Bottle A Rinse Once In A While. It gets a bit stanky after a few refills. At least that's what I would guess. I wouldn't know...
4. Clearly Label The Bottle. Peeing into an opaque (or lemonade) bottle without marking it as nasty is just wrong.
5. Jugs Won't Work - Only Bottles. Okay that's not true, but come on. You need a jug? Really?
6. Girls Can Do It Too! www.go-girl.com. (Okay, I didn't actually learn that one from experience - it's more of a public service announcement.)
7. Use The Bottle Capture Method Only When Necessary. I'm using my special bottled liquid to let our pet mole know that I want to eat him, and he believes it. Pour a good amount down the hole and that route won't be taken again.
8. Consider Alternate Uses. Urine in a bottle frightens moles and children alike. Who knows what other amazing things this wonder liquid could accomplish!
9. There is no #9.
10. If you have money to spare on mole-killing products, do that instead. I'm using pee-pee because it's free and I'm man enough to deal with the bottle smell.