Trouble with a capital 'T' and that rhymes with 'P' and that stands for 'pool'.

OK so that title is meaningless, but you have to write something. My condition has deteriorated a bit lately so I wanted to get a post in for time line purposes again.

In the past few weeks I have noticed increased anxiety, but nothing too serious. There have been a couple days I have gone home early or stayed home due to feeling sick, and it took me a while to recognize what was going on. At first there didn't seem to be any reason for my anxiety issues, but then I finally realized that we are having a baby soon and that's kind of a big deal. I'm not consciously nervous about having another child, I think it's just the whole unknown of delivery timing & circumstances and hoping everything goes well. We are down to the wire here, so it could be time to head in to the hospital any time. Leigha's contractions got as close as three minutes apart for a time last night, but then died down.

A few things happened that led to a full fledged panic attack today unfortunately (Sunday 6-28-09). Friday night I decided to try & sleep without trazodone so that I would be alert enough to drive right away if we have to leave during the night. I have actually been meaning to try sleeping without it for a while anyway but haven't gotten around to doing it. (guaranteed sleep is always much more appealing than probable sleep). I thought that the medicine was only helping me go to sleep, but it turns out that it also keeps me sleeping through the night. Friday night was a terrible night's sleep, and I had the old kind of anxiety in my chest that I haven't felt in months. I woke up several times with frustrating dreams, clenched jaw, and adrenaline in my chest. That feeling stayed with me through much of Saturday as well.

Coinciding with this were two pieces of bad news that sent me over the edge. We found out Friday morning that my dad had accidentally overdosed on his medication and had been taken to the hospital. He was released later that morning, but the issue was that he was getting confused and wasn't able to keep track of when he took the medicine. On Saturday morning I got a call saying that he was being taken into the psychiatric ward because the confusion had gotten to a point that required professional help. This has happened to my dad before and he's come out okay, but mental issues are never easy to diagnose, and there's no guarantee of 'fixing' things.

Last night I took a half xanax to help me sleep (0.25mg - not much) and woke up at 3:30AM with bad things rising in my chest & took the other half. I played keys for two services at church this morning so another .25mb of xanax got me through that. I'm glad I made it through both services okay, but it was close. I had such bad chills at reherasal that I layed on my office floor with a heater blowing on my until service started. (If you know me, you will know that is very out of character - I have my own fan on stage that is always on) Anyway, I made it home, collapsed in bed and got a nap, but the full panic attack did hit by that time. Fortunately after a few hours I started feeling closer to normal and I haven't taken any more xanax since early morning.

This post may be a bit more scattered than some of my other ones, but I don't have the energy to proofread & edit this time.

Things I've Learned From Peeing In A Bottle

[For better or worse, I'm getting back to my old self. In case you don't know me, this post falls into the 'normal' category for my personality, therefore this blog is about to get a lot more awesome.]

1. Turn The Fan On. Urine isn't so bad when you're dispensing it into a bowl of water that is either several feet from your nose or covered by your rump. It doesn't get nicer with proximity.
2. Grip The Bottle More Tightly Than You Need To. You're holding it with one hand, and are about to make it heavier. This has taken me a surprisingly long time to learn, but I haven't dropped one yet.
3. Give Your Bottle A Rinse Once In A While. It gets a bit stanky after a few refills. At least that's what I would guess. I wouldn't know...
4. Clearly Label The Bottle. Peeing into an opaque (or lemonade) bottle without marking it as nasty is just wrong.
5. Jugs Won't Work - Only Bottles. Okay that's not true, but come on. You need a jug? Really?
6. Girls Can Do It Too! www.go-girl.com. (Okay, I didn't actually learn that one from experience - it's more of a public service announcement.)
7. Use The Bottle Capture Method Only When Necessary. I'm using my special bottled liquid to let our pet mole know that I want to eat him, and he believes it. Pour a good amount down the hole and that route won't be taken again.
8. Consider Alternate Uses. Urine in a bottle frightens moles and children alike. Who knows what other amazing things this wonder liquid could accomplish!
9. There is no #9.
10. If you have money to spare on mole-killing products, do that instead. I'm using pee-pee because it's free and I'm man enough to deal with the bottle smell.