Taking It Easy

Not much to report in the last couple weeks. I've toned down activity since the last time I posted, which has helped me to be pretty stable. I just upped my medication as well since I should be feeling normal by now and I'm not. I do fine going out to a store or restaurant. It no longer occurs to me that I might not do well - it's just normal again. Doing things like music lessons, where it's responsibility on me seems to bother me for some reason, but it's nothing I can't deal with.

That last setback I had (lasting about 10 days) was pretty discouraging at first, but I read something that helped a lot. I'll type the end of the chapter here because it could apply to other situations as well. The book is here.

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Ups And Downs

The road to recovery is beset with many temporary failures. It is like traveling across the foothills toward the mountains. You travel downhill so often that it is difficult to realize that, in spite of this, you are still climbing. This up and down aspect of recovery is exhausting and frustrating. I remember one young man saying, "I'm tired of being up on minute and down the next. I'd almost rather stay down all the time and be done with it!"

It is true that just when you think you have turned the corner and are feeling well, you can have one of your worst setbacks. You can waste much energy trying to discovery why this happens. A patient will say, "I had a wonderful week last week, Doctor, the best yet, and then on Saturday and Sunday I felt terrible, as bad as ever. How is this possible?"

Do Not Measure Progress Day by Day

It may have been some trivial event that drew him back, but is it so important to find out? Strangely enough, it always seems so to the sufferer. Actually, it is important only to realize that tomorrow is another day and could be the best yet, however upsetting yesterday or today may have been. Do not measure your progress day by day. Looking forward hopefully with confidence is tremendous help. It draws you past the yesterdays, past today, past the tomorrows until you find recovery.

The slipping-back process is easy to understand. The past holds so many fearful memories for the person who has had a nervous illness that even a slight setback will find a host of them ready to engulf him. It takes time to dull these memories; but after he has pulled himself out of a few such reverses he despairs less readily, and confidence grows from each experience. When you have achieved confidence by your own effort, nothing can take it away again. No future defeat can quite destroy it. It may seem in moments of despair that it has gone, but the memory of past successes, however small, gives you the courage to try again, and so defeat is defeated.

So, recognize that:

• Confidence is born by going on despite defeat.
• In spite of ups and downs on the road to recovery, the main direction is upward.
• Confidence learned from your own experience will never leave you completely.